I can hardly believe it; everyone was right. They said I would get better, I would get over you, and I always thought, "No, never! How can I ever forget this pain? How can I ever move on?" (I know, dramatic, right?) BUT. Incredibly...I am better. I don't know when it happened. But I don't miss you with that awful, gut-wrenching pain anymore. I think I'm almost sadder that I'm getting over you and move down the path of forgetting, than I actually am that you're gone. It's weird. And complicated.
I don't know if my reactions to you are genuine, or just habit. I get hurt by the small things you do that show that you have a normal, pain-free life. Then I stop to think; why?! I owe it to myself to move on, not you. I've spent more than enough time and energy on you. And maybe it was worth it, maybe it wasn't. But all I know is that I'm done with that, I'm going to put my heart and energy into things that are good for me now.
I'm done.
No! I'm FREE!
Showing posts with label breakup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breakup. Show all posts
Thursday, January 28, 2010
What Happened To Me in August
I’m pretty pathetic, huh?
Well, if you’re ready to move on, I guess there’s nothing I can do about that.
Don’t you understand? I don’t care what I want. It takes two to make a relationship happen, and if you don’t want it, it can’t work anyways. I just wish I had known that you would want it to be like this, I would’ve gotten less emotionally involved.
Why did you even bother? If you had just left it as we were, back before the park, back before I was in love with you, I would’ve counted my losses, picked myself up, and dusted myself off. But no. I can’t do that now. It’s not that easy. My mind hears what you say, that you don’t want us to be together, but my stupid, stupid heart keeps looking for a loophole, or some shred of evidence that you’re lying, and you actually do care.
I wish I could pretend I didn’t care. I wish I could pretend I didn’t care.
Why?
Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhyand don’t say, “because I love you.” Cause I don’t trust you when you say that anymore. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to trust anyone when they say that anymore. Because “I love you” is a promise. A promise that you want to be with someone, and that they matter so much to you, and that you won’t hurt them. So when you say, “I love you”, think about it and actually mean it.
When I think about living without you
No, I can’t even talk about that. It hurts too much. I hurt too much.
I just don’t understand. I guess I never will.
Of course it’s different now, you idiot. Because I don’t trust you anymore. Because I know that I’m going to become just another ex to you in a matter of days.
You move on so easily. I’m almost glad that I don’t. Because I know that what I felt was real. Maybe that’s the difference between guys and girls; guys get a girlfriend to have an experience. Girls get a boyfriend to have a future, and love.
Or maybe it’s just you.
Well, if you’re ready to move on, I guess there’s nothing I can do about that.
Don’t you understand? I don’t care what I want. It takes two to make a relationship happen, and if you don’t want it, it can’t work anyways. I just wish I had known that you would want it to be like this, I would’ve gotten less emotionally involved.
Why did you even bother? If you had just left it as we were, back before the park, back before I was in love with you, I would’ve counted my losses, picked myself up, and dusted myself off. But no. I can’t do that now. It’s not that easy. My mind hears what you say, that you don’t want us to be together, but my stupid, stupid heart keeps looking for a loophole, or some shred of evidence that you’re lying, and you actually do care.
I wish I could pretend I didn’t care. I wish I could pretend I didn’t care.
Why?
Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhyand don’t say, “because I love you.” Cause I don’t trust you when you say that anymore. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to trust anyone when they say that anymore. Because “I love you” is a promise. A promise that you want to be with someone, and that they matter so much to you, and that you won’t hurt them. So when you say, “I love you”, think about it and actually mean it.
When I think about living without you
No, I can’t even talk about that. It hurts too much. I hurt too much.
I just don’t understand. I guess I never will.
Of course it’s different now, you idiot. Because I don’t trust you anymore. Because I know that I’m going to become just another ex to you in a matter of days.
You move on so easily. I’m almost glad that I don’t. Because I know that what I felt was real. Maybe that’s the difference between guys and girls; guys get a girlfriend to have an experience. Girls get a boyfriend to have a future, and love.
Or maybe it’s just you.
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